So chasing dreams and shadows, what do i do?

I picked through bits of your question. A serious answer would involve more thought and time than I have available at this time so here is a short answer. The world isn't perfect, people are flawed, in an infinite universe anything is possible - not probable. My advice is we either choose to live in this world with all of it's complexity negativity and downside or you live in your head which considers utopian principle. Give up the notion you can control anything or anyone and that perfect happiness is readily available to everyone. To survive you have to function with what is around you even if you don't like it or approve of it. I could go on but time does not permit further comment. Parting thought - time is precious and priceless - use it wisely. Cheers.